EMG Doctor (Thick Eastern European Accent, one eye patched): “Yas…yas….my lovely…..ve vill INTERRIGATE ze nerves and ve vill find ze TRUTH….you and I…… ze truth will try to hide, but we VILL find it……you and me…..together…..(slurp)”
(Cut to routine meeting with maximum administrative leader and pillar of wisdom, Dr. X
Dr. X: “So…..how’s Guillian and Barre. I see you’re walking”
Moi: (Idly) “Yeah, getting better…..scheduled for an EMG at two”
Dr. X: “WHAT!!!! What do you need that for? You said you’re getting better!”
Moi: (suspiciously) “Dunno, Max said I needed it for completeness”
Dr. X: (Sneers)” Yeah? Well, you tell Max you’ll get one right after he gets one, if he can still walk. Do you know those things hurt like a BITCH. It’s medieval. They stick needles in you and then run electricity through them. If it doesn’t seem like it hurts enough they turn the juice up. You can hear the screams all over the 8th floor!”
Moi: (sharply clinical interest developing) “HUH…..I didn’t sign up for that! He didn’t say anything about HURTING!!
Dr. X: (Smirks) “Well unless you want to squeal like a pig in hot oil and be carried out of there covered in cheap Walmart band-aids, you better call Max up and re-negotiate!”
Moi: (Cheerfully) “Hi Max……(imitating Monty Python) “I’m getting better”
Max: (jovially) “No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a minute”.
Moi: (whines hopefully) “Um…(explains situation)……do I really need this EMG if I’m getting better……?
Max (whispers to companion): “Damned doctor patients…biggest pussies in the universe”.